“The Twenty-First of May is the Queen’s Birthday”. Clever rhyme, no?
Here in the little town, whose namesake is the Queen, we take Victoria Day quite seriously. No school, everything closed, big parade, the works. Usually, because its a long weekend, I plan on hanging downtown on this day, completely forgetting the masses of tourists and paraders at the Parliament buildings (our normal meeting place). It is always awesome, of course, but crazy busy. I didn’t do the whole ‘watch-the-parade’ tourist-shenanigans, but I did hum the national anthem as we went into the BC Museum of Natural History. Seriously amazing place. I’m not generally a stuffy museum-goer, but the exhibits are so beautiful, and informative, without going overboard in the text department. Its peaceful, dimly lit with all these nature sounds and mini-movies. And accessible. Bonus.
It was fun, but I’m feeling pretty shitty today, not gonna lie. I apparently had a really bad Herxheimer reaction which is when toxins are released into my body from the bugs dying. The really bad ‘herxing’ is when most people quit. The pain is too much, the involuntary body movements too alarming, the stiffened joints, and the intolerable fatigue that makes you feel like you are walking underwater, pulling a boat with a lead belly. It makes me want to give up, I’d be lying if I told you otherwise. I’m not nearly so brave as that. But not enough to like drop everything and have the port-o-cathetor removed on Tuesday. It really annoys me when Lyme people talk about how the herxing is too much, and so they just stop the drugs. The herxes are terrible, but it is actually the bugs dying inside your body which causes them, which I consider a good thing! I’m kind of like WTF are you thinking? You were so close to killing the bugs, why did you stop? I equate it to being within sight of the finish line but then saying “well, I saw the finish line. That’ll have to do for me” and then turn tail and run back the starting line. Does that make sense? Of course, you are thinking that you should keep going, but you haven’t felt your tendons stretched to the breaking point, your heart throwing itself against your ribcage, like its trying to take a flying leap the f@^* out of there, your body writhe in revolt. //
daisysmumMay 28, 2010 at 7:02 pm
Sorry to hear about the ‘hexing’ I remember in the movie ‘under our skin’ watching some of the Lyme sufferers go through that agony – just watching it was upsetting. You are brave though – whether you want to believe it or not, call it strong, call it willful but inside you is the decision to continue and that is very brave.
This description reminds me of Tumor lysis, which was the first thing Daisy faced when her chemo began – Tumor lysis is the dying of the cancer cells and it’s own life threat as well. But like you imaginging those bugs, imaging cancer cells dying is the whole point of treatment – so GOOD FOR YOU for focusing on that positive aspect, which is very very positive.
Hugs to you and your mom.Reply