More Shots.

They poked more holes in me today. They also came back on last Wednesday and Friday, just to shoot me up again. I do NOT think it is working, and would greatly appreciate NOT being injected with B12 every other day…

I think I am so unlucky that it is almost, strangly enough, lucky. Of all the billions of biting bugs in the world, I got bit by one of the millions of ticks, and that tick was fortunate enough to carry Lyme disase. That takes a serious amount of bad luck or coordination to pull off, don’t you think?

A Summation of a few (more) Boring Days

A few days ago I had an ultrasound, which isn’t the worst test to have, but it still is kinda uncomfy…you know with all that hot icky gunk they spread on your tummy and them having to push hard into your stomach and back to take the pictures. I know they say everyone is beautiful on the inside, but that is like complete bullshit. I’ve seen my insides, on that flat plasma screen at the doctor, and let me tell you my appendix and spleen are butt ugly! Completely disgusting! Eww…internal organs!! But on the plus side I’m pretty sure that they are doing okay, which is a bonus really! I can forgive them for being ugly as long as they keep doing their job!

Yesterday, I got my hair cut, which is always a sure way to perk up my day! My hair still fall out a whole hell of a lot, like I’m losing my winter coat before spring has even arrived, and I guess it’s a combination of thyroid ‘issues’ and pills. I used to have really thick curly hair and now it’s just a shadow of its former self. 
Today was pretty dull. Had my dressing changed, and had blood taken and the usual shit. We went to the library and picked up a whole wack of movies which will be fun. It’s funny when I first started getting sick, I would watch movies all day, and even though I felt so shitty, it was really fun. The novelty of getting to watch daytime movies wares off very quickly I can tell you! Very very very quickly.
Yawn. I’m still so tired. It’s like I never get enough sleep (which is probably true) and I’m not up long enough to fully wake up (again probably true). I’m going to play Scrabble now, which I really look forward too. It’s fun, honest!

Cross-Eyed

It apparently snowed a bit this morning which is pretty cool, though it doesn’t look like much out there. I heard that they got 150% more snow already than last year, which makes me feel better, knowing that all this snow is just a fluke and not regular. I don’t know why it is comforting, but chaos is. 

I had a guitar lesson today. Which is pretty sweet. I played guitar just a bit before I started to forget stuff, you know just chords and that kind of stuff. But I have always been really good at sight reading so that’s basically what I do in lesson. Sight read cool jazz music and discuss why seventh-flat-five’s and minor-flat-sixths and so wonky and why they exist, when it would have been a perfectly lovely world (at least for my fingers!) without them. Its a lot of fun and I now have really killer calluses on my left hand fingers, which hurt a little every time I type. A small sacrifice for the sweet music knowledge, I suppose.
My grandma Thelma – now isn’t that a way cool name? – is here to visit from Ontario. It’s nice to see some new faces! Grandma makes really REALLY good baked yummies, and knits and sews fantastically. But she also swims like a tank. Seriously. She’s swum the equivalent of the English Channel, in a year!! And on the world map in her kitchen, there are a bunch on synchronized swimming badges. In the kitchen too, there used to be a drawer, right under the glasses cupboard, with a whole bunch of toys. A blue plastic phone, glitter crayons (a fav!!), a coloring book, and a Monchichi puzzle. For those who are not familiar with a Monchichi doll, I believe they are the missing link. They have fuzzy hair in like a main around there face, and ears like a bear, a freckles, fur all over their bodies, and a tail. They’re ‘unique’ 
All of my cousins know that puzzle, and have called imaginary people with the blue phone, and doodles with the glitter crayons, which coat your fingers in wax and glitter that smells funny. These are some good times. 
When I woke up today, I couldn’t. I felt like I was trying to open my eyes under some extremely heavy water. I feel like I’m super drugged and so tired I’m going cross-eyed, but I guess I am really, so that metaphor was totally useless.  I still haven’t ‘woken’ up all day and its already night time. I’ll have to wait until tomorrow I guess. 

This Week

It hasn’t been a super fantastic last few days. I feel sympathetic towards zombies. My ear hurts like the dickens for some reason and I don’t know why. I feel like crawling under the covers and sleeping a century or two. It must be the effects of the antibiotic or something. I think I’m on some new pain killers which really make me ‘wonky’ as my bestest friendy Natalie’s mamma would say (she’s South African!). Unfortunately it doesn’t do much for the pain, which is a shame because if it’s gonna make me really zonked, it might as well help me! 

Today I had my dressing changed, which sound way duller than it actually is. It involves quite a bit really, including fascinating things like basically a bandaid with the sticky side made of super-glue, iodine that looks like blood and I get woozy every time I see it, the wondrous smell of rubbing alcohol, supersized gloves and masks. And you thought I was joking about how much fun it is! *rolls eyes*. We went to Costco too which is always so much fun, especially when we stop and look at the books and movies. I bought the ‘Beedle the Bard’ book by J.K. Rowling, because like seriously, I refuse to believe that the last Harry Potter book came out and am using this book to keep the dream alive. I also got a book called “The Book of General Ignorance” which is like de-bunking myths and fun facts and such…and it’s British!  I’m totally stoked to read them.
We’re having spaghetti for dinner, which is like the most exciting thing about today. Obviously! 

A Little of Something

I wish I was home. Home has so much right stuff that no other place, even the capital of Corecto, could never have. 
I have never before appreciated ‘your mom’ and ‘thats-what-she-said’ jokes. I hear pronounced silences, where my friends would have chipped in with the appropriate line. It is unnatural for a teenager to go that long without hearing those words. 
I take guitar lessons now which is pretty sweet. I play with a baby guitar, or I guess those in the know would say ‘half sized’, because it is easier for my little swollen fingers to stretch the shorter distance. Reading music is extremely difficult because I play one bar, or sometimes even a note and I have to stop and think where I was a moment before. Everything I play is ‘sight reading’ even if I played it a hundred times before. Learning new ideas is virtually out of the question. I instead revisit the ideas of self-discipline and patience. And I SO could use the lesson.
I am surprised by what I can get used to without actually remembering that I have gotten used to it- does that make sense? I am sitting here, with my IV ball ‘plugged in’ and it seems like that is what everyone does. It seems habitual, but I only know its habitual because that is the way people treat it. They are calm and act like it’s normal, so instead of being like ‘WTF is this thing and what exactly is it’ and all, I just read the signs and play chill. I’m getting good at reading cues. And playing make believe. 
There is a main office at our apartment buildings and ever time I go in to play pool, watch TV or get a movie, they all say “oh hi nicole” and make small talk and ask me questions about things that no one could know except if they 
a) stalked me CONSTANTLY
b) talked to my mom or other parental units
c) met me
…and frankly, and for the sake of sanity, I’d like to think that the first one is out. So I make like I know them and just avoid names and detailed conversations. I’d seriously be the easiest kid in the world to kidnap. I mean, if they just acted or even suggested that they knew me, I’d be holding their hand and walking with them. I’m sort of being sarcastic, but kind of not, if you follow. I’d like to think that I’m pretty lax about the getting-to-know-you thing. 
I play make believe a lot as well. Once upon a time in a far away kingdom, a 16-year-old sits in her yellow walled chambers cutting out pictures in magazines, glue up to her elbows and a crick in her knee. The curtains on the glass doors are pulled back to reveal seemingly endless trees, giving way to ocean and the distant bank of green. The porch overhang blocks out the warmth of the sun but no light. The phone rings and she bounces on her bed, laughing with a friend. She runs upstairs, the dog following close behind. She boils water and puts on pasta and is making tomato sauce and is just adding brown sugar. Enter parents and dog. Pasta noodles tossed in sauce and schlepped into a casserole dish and into the oven it goes. Plates and silverware and candles and toasted bread and then desert and clean up. She plays a piano interlude maybe. A knock at the front door. Friends. Then it’s popcorn and movie selections and a game of Life with good friends. It’s still summer. And the girl runs down the stairs and sleeps tight that night.
I dream of my house in a kingdom as far away as the sun. And of another time and the other way it could have gone. 
Ahh the simple life. Good times. 
“It is normal to give away a little of one’s life in order not to lose it all.” – Albert Camus