Full Day

For not sleeping very well and having low energy, I think I put a serious amount of energy into this wonderful day!

The library has just got in a whole whack of really awesome knitting and spinning books, which I have eagerly been reading this week. I am particularly enthralled with the “Fleece and Fiber Sourcebook”, which describes in depth over 200 different animals which produce fiber! Pretty pictures. My only regret is that this isn’t a touch and feel book, like “Pat the Bunny”! Alas.

Michelle and I did an exhausting yoga practice today, although it was well worth the fatigue to be able to relax so fully afterwards. My whole body feels like it was untied from a bunch of stressed knots. Lovely. Michelle works me hard, but that is because she has such faith in me…knowing that I will try my best, while listening to my body. I cannot thank my amazing teachers enough for their belief in me, in my healing. Such positivity is infectious, and is multiplied exponentially in the heart. <3

I have been feeling so low lately. Weak inside, starving, but eating just fine now. It is frustrating, because in I feel as though my body is crying out for nutrients, although my blood work looks the best it has in years.

Wednesday is choir practice with the Linden singers, 2 hours which leaves me breathless, literally, and also because I am so enthralled with the whole experience. I recently learned that 2 other members  The repertoire is challenging and interesting, and our upcoming holiday concert, with the theme “Christmas American Style” should be great fun for everyone, regardless of religious belief or age. “From the spontaneity and infectiousness of the tunes of Irving Berlin to the grandeur of a contemporary American Magnificat.” There is definitely something for everyone, even if you are an atheist, like me. In case you are in town, and interested in hearing some sweet holiday music, the concert takes place on Saturday 3 December 2011 at 7:30 PM at First Metropolitan United Church at Quadra & Balmoral. Tickets are available through me or another Linden singer, of course, or at Ivy’s Bookstore, Munro’s Bookstore or Long and McQuade Music, and at the door. Just something to bear in mind :).

I was feeling really down today, and I’m not really sure why. Maybe it was the weather, but I was feeling very listless and couldn’t settle to anything all day. Distracted, but not thinking about anything else. Could be from lack of sleep…some days are just like that, I guess. I spun for a wee while before my shower and that really perked me up. I hadn’t spun in a little while, because my legs have been rather exhausted, and I’d prefer to practice yoga than spin when I have to choose. Hopefully tomorrow, with a good restful nights sleep, I’ll feel more like myself.

City Lights and Harbour Sunset

I have been healing nicely all week. Already the incision wound doesn’t hurt as much. It mostly pains me when I try to move my shoulder, pulling at the stitches, which gives me an odd pinching sensation. Its hard still to roll over in bed, or to pull myself up from the chair, but I know I will be back to my old self before long. I didn’t leave the house all week, but instead caught up on two seasons of Halifax Comedy Fest (best show ever, if you haven’t watched it! Atlantic comedy is where its at!) and the Winnipeg comedy Fest. Laughing hurts sometimes, as my ribs are very painful and tight, but it feels better. A nice ab workout, that how I like to think of it. Yesterday, I made a pilgrimage to the library, but it was a very brief one, as I could barely reach things off the shelves, which was very annoying. Its like being in a museum of soft toys and not being able to touch them! Alas.

The light today was of a pure, clear kind, with dark blue clouds against a pure baby blue sky. It is magically at sunset, at the Inner Harbour. I can see why it is such a popular tourist stop! It is perfectly situated to catch the final rays of the sun and it sinks below a treeline dotted with condos. If you squint your eyes, so the buildings all blur together, you can almost imagine what the virgin landscape looked like, before man’s machines shaped and twisted the land. I believe I read somewhere that the native Songhees called the area something like ‘cradle harbour’, and would put a baby’s cradle in the waters as a blessing of long life or wellness. I forget the details, but if any place I have seen had a more fitting name, I cannot recollect one.

The path is very nicely paved, and relatively flat. The odd thing about that area is the sheer amount of condos surrounding you, towers of glass and steel stretching up up up to the blue ceiling. And yet, there are never any people around. The streets nearly deserted, the only sounds from boats and planes touching down on the water nearby. Its like a background hum, which you can hear over the water lapping on the shore.

It is very relaxing being by the sea. I feel certain that there really is something to that old adage about going to the ocean for your health. The minerals in the air the are beaten off the rocks, the soothing sounds of water moving, the relaxing blue-grays. Peaceful. It was very cold, but just what I needed. Really cheered me up. I haven’t been feeling well these past few days.

All Possible

Today was a very special day. I went to real school AND a real class. Whoa. Careful now. Next you’ll hear I’ll be globe trotting. Small steps at a time. Steady wins the race. You all know this.

I went to Spanish, which is such a fun class, and always has been. Once you hit grade 12, you are no longer ‘required’ to take a language, so the people in a language class really really want to be there, which is a nice change. I love speaking Spanish. I still can, which surprises me, although I get my ‘you’s’ and ‘me’s’ and ‘they’s’ and stuff confused. I mix stuff up just like I do in English. We learned all about ‘se’, which is a handly little pronoun (I think that’s what you call it), but it does a lot of work for us in Spanish.

I’m so happy to be back at school, in Uniform. It feels so normal. I don’t feel as out of place, I don’t stick out in a group of people I’ve known more than a third of my life. I love you guys! There is peace in familiar chaos.

I’m very tired though. I feel like I’ve been through the wringer washer the second time round, my heart is in my stomach somewhere, my stomach lost in my throat, my legs jelly (god knows where they ended up) and my brain squished too tightly against my skull. I’ve been reorientated. Reorganized. I feel my pulse all over, like my heart is a hammer and the blood nails driving into me all over.

I worry sometimes, that the feelings won’t go away; that the pain will endure, that it will have learned a lesson about patience and endurance from its victim. I worry it will fight as hard as I fight it. A fraction of the will, even then I’d worry. But I know all things pass. I’ve read this in books. I’ve heard it said. They say that life will change and endure. I hear time heals all wounds. I know this is true, or partly, but time heals all wounds, except the tracks it makes itself through a life.

GAH! (for lack of a better title)

I don’t know whats wrong with me these days. Well actually I take that back but I still feel…weird, even for me! I think it could be the new drugs that I’m on that make me forget completely about food. I just am not hungry at all. Which is really weird for me because I’m usually perpetually hungry. And when I am forced to eat, I have the hardest problem making decisions. About everything, really. I feel so anxious, but that isn’t the right word, maybe tense and confused, when I have to choose something. It is crazy! I’m not indecisive! GAH

Had the dressing on my PICC line changed today. EW gross! That little patch of skin is wondering why it got the rotten end of the deal. It really hurts to take of the Tagaderm covering the PICC line. It’s SO sticky! It causes all these little scrapes and cuts and scabs and purple-ing. Not pretty!
We have snooooww in the forecast! Woo! Sort of. Its pretty an annoying! Isn’t that alot of things?
Gah! I can’t think really clearly right now. I feel fuzzly. I’ll write more later.