Archive of ‘spanish’ category

All Possible

Today was a very special day. I went to real school AND a real class. Whoa. Careful now. Next you’ll hear I’ll be globe trotting. Small steps at a time. Steady wins the race. You all know this.

I went to Spanish, which is such a fun class, and always has been. Once you hit grade 12, you are no longer ‘required’ to take a language, so the people in a language class really really want to be there, which is a nice change. I love speaking Spanish. I still can, which surprises me, although I get my ‘you’s’ and ‘me’s’ and ‘they’s’ and stuff confused. I mix stuff up just like I do in English. We learned all about ‘se’, which is a handly little pronoun (I think that’s what you call it), but it does a lot of work for us in Spanish.

I’m so happy to be back at school, in Uniform. It feels so normal. I don’t feel as out of place, I don’t stick out in a group of people I’ve known more than a third of my life. I love you guys! There is peace in familiar chaos.

I’m very tired though. I feel like I’ve been through the wringer washer the second time round, my heart is in my stomach somewhere, my stomach lost in my throat, my legs jelly (god knows where they ended up) and my brain squished too tightly against my skull. I’ve been reorientated. Reorganized. I feel my pulse all over, like my heart is a hammer and the blood nails driving into me all over.

I worry sometimes, that the feelings won’t go away; that the pain will endure, that it will have learned a lesson about patience and endurance from its victim. I worry it will fight as hard as I fight it. A fraction of the will, even then I’d worry. But I know all things pass. I’ve read this in books. I’ve heard it said. They say that life will change and endure. I hear time heals all wounds. I know this is true, or partly, but time heals all wounds, except the tracks it makes itself through a life.

Almost There

I am so tired today. The kind of tired that makes you want to curl up in a small ball at the end of your bed, and blissfully float through nothing. A fog that clouds your mind. A sound that fills you and leaves no room for energy. Have you felt this sort of tired? How do you lift the mist, see clearly through the fog with no light?

I did my Spanish exam today…I’m finished the course! And very pleased to say so. Didn’t do to badly either, even for someone with half a brain… I’m proud of my self for finishing something, for having something to show for this time here…Its frustrating to have so much time, and no energy to do anything with it. I believe the term is listless…

We’re going home on the 30th. I can’t believe it. A part of my didn’t actually think I’d be coming home. Its strange, to be finally so close to what I’ve wanted for a whole year…it doesn’t seem fair that I will have no anticipation of the moment, that because I don’t remember it will be like every other day today.

I don’t trust to hope that home will be the same. I want to be able to step back into my old life, like a portal opening up from this time to the past. I want to step right through it and pick up the pieces as though no time has past.
But the catch is that so time has past for you, and no time has past for me.

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