Archive of ‘RJH’ category


You know, life is very exciting when you do nothing. When there is nothing, I find, that I suddenly notice so much more about the so-called ‘nothing’ than before. A ceiling has so many little dots, blimp and swirls. The way a chair always leans a little to one side, like its tired of being squished. The whoosh of an air vent, and the way dust clings to it in twisting strands. The sound of a room breathing; the cracks and creaks of it, like the sterile stomach of a living beast. A tense smell. The tang of MicroScan. Dust in the corners of a room, hiding from the broad sweeps of a plastic broom. Such things are nothing when you have something to do, but I find are actually quite fascinating when you are just waiting.

The stupid MePore (sp?) – a kind of clear dressing – doesn’t stick to my skin. In fact, I believe that it repels my skin with astonishing force. Why, only a day after it was put on, it was peeling up away from my skin, inching itself to the outer edges of the bandage and freedom. Of course this is all well and good for it, but rather unfortunate for the 1/2 needle in my port. It loves the sickening sharpness of CholoraPrep and nitrile gloves. Even taping all of the sides down more securely didn’t keep the dressing on, so a few days later we were back in ER, getting it changed again! How annoying!!! Anyway, tonight it wasn’t too bad, and we were out of there in like, 2 hours, which isn’t bad. Hell, you can wait that long in a doctors office, reading bad, out-of-date magazines no one cares about.

I am really really zonked today. Everything is infinitely worse when you are tired. I fainted and fell out of my chair on the way to the bathroom, and fell in a way that my chest hit the ground, my bodyweight pushing the needle and port deeper into me. A little uncomfortable, to say the least. Haahaa. It’s kinda throbbing, deep down inside, in a way I don’t like. It isn’t helped by the cold IV ball I am currently infusing with.

Oh well. At least in a few days it will be out for a little longer. A respite! At last, a shower!

“We can’t solve problems by using the same kind of thinking we used when we created them.”

~ Albert Einstein 

Things that Supervened

A new year! Golly!

I wish I could tell you I had an epiphany, a moment of clear brightness, where all my problems were swept away in a neat, tight, fit-for-Hollywood ending, but alas, that is why I mentioned them in the context of being a movie ending. That sort of thing really only happens in movies.

No, to be honest, life snails forward as always. And I don’t begrudge that. If wellness came in spurts, in quick little pinches, all your hard work would feel like it actually added up to something quantifiable in short terms. I like being able to look back over the rocky, mountains of the past and be able to say ‘see? just there? it happened, it changed. now, why didn’t I see that…?’ if that makes any sense at all. I don’t know. I’m having problems making sense a lot.

We went to the ER the other day to get my port needle changed. Now for those of you who aren’t too clear on what a port is, or why we would have to go to the ER to get it changed, I am with you! The procedure take a grand total of about 5 minutes (including getting undress and dressed and small talk). We waited about 4 hours in the chemically-clean smelling ER for a doctor to OK the procedure, which is just done by an IV nurse. It is all very confusing.

I am beginning to feel the beginning of something a lot more like rational anger growing inside of me. Can you believe how ridiculous this is? How has my healthcare plan been terminated by the government? Why have Lyme patients been blacklisted and forced out the country like a ‘communist’. Why are we turned away like Lepers to desolate islands?

With all the knowledge, it seems appallingly bold as brass of them (ie; the head jefe’s- no body knows exactly who they are though…its a nest of nastiness to be sure.) to continentally stick by their stubborn ‘the-earth-is-flat’ speeches, even after Aristotle, Galileo, Magellan brought the truth to light.

It is shameful.

I hope that thought of all the sickness they have profiteered from keep them up at night.

“There is no crueler tyranny than that which is perpetuated under the shield of law and in the name of justice.”

~Charles de Montesquieu 

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