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arm bands, bakery, PICC line, vegan | 0 comment

Delish!

Sucks to have to do dressing changes on my PICC line, when I’m on vacation! No fair! I wish we could take a wee break and let my arm breathe, but obviously that can’t happen. The little end cap where you ‘plug-in’ a syringe wouldn’t come off yesterday, no matter how much Mum twisted. We went to a home nursing place this afternoon, and asked one of the nice nurses to help unscrew it. Thankfully they managed to get it off okay. I can’t imagine what we would have done if they couldn’t undo it. We also had yet another chance to talk to nurses about Lyme disease, an opportunity we never miss. The nurse’s sister had Lyme, so she was very understanding. I also got to show off my PICC line armbands to an appreciative audience…they thought it was a really cool idea. Maybe when I’m back home I can approach a home care centre about carrying the covers…that would be very cool, don’t you think?

Happy Vegan Food Day everyone. In honour of this very special day, we went to Kind Foods vegan/GF bakery with Gramma, and Mum of course. They were all sold out of cupcakes, but the cookies were delicious!! I also had the most amazing B.L.A.T (fake bac’un, lettuce, avocado and tomato) sandwich on fantastic wheat-free bread. The bac’un was indistinguishable from the real thing, from the texture to the taste. Sensational! Oh my. I could eat that every day, and I never really liked real bacon. WOWWOWWOW.

I have been feeling so hungry inside. It is not usual for me to feel odd sensations, or lack of, in my body, which changes as frequently as the battlefield of Lyme in my body. It is so odd to suddenly feel this way, after not wanting to eat for so long. But no complaints. I feel like gaining weight would make me feel better all-round.

doctors, lyme, plane, travel, yoga | 0 comment

Flying Higher

hand mudras for sleep

We are in Toronto, to see my Lyme doctor who is going to the ILADS conference, and the rest of my family, who live in this general area. I am so drained after the flight.

Toronto is HUGE, and I am feeling very small-town right now. I miss being able to look at the top of buildings without craning my neck all the way back.

The flight went well enough, although the altitude always makes me feel very sick. I have a killer sore throat and am having trouble swallowing. Nothing a little oregano oil won’t nab, but this is an all-time quickest infection rate. I missed choir practice last night as I was feeling so low and my throat was in so much pain.

The benefits of sitting in the bulk head on the lovely WestJet were felt as soon as Mum and I started doing yoga. Because the computer was with us, we could do a full asana practice, and it was like the lovely Michelle was with us too! Made the flight that much quicker and more peaceful.
dailynews, mum, yoga | 0 comment

Yoga Together

After seeing how much I enjoyed yoga, and the benefits I had from it, Mum decided to start doing the practice with me. We did a full practice yesterday, which was fun to do together…girl time! Before the afternoon yoga practice I was feeling rather restless and couldn’t settle to any activity, and was fatigued and exasperated, which seemed like a good time to bust out some yoga moves. I felt energized afterwards, which made my day so much better. Hopefully we will be able to practice ever single day of the week, 3 times with teachers, and 4 on our own. Won’t that be fun!

choir, feel weird, fiber art, insomnia, joints, linden, spinning, tired, yoga | 0 comment

Full Day

For not sleeping very well and having low energy, I think I put a serious amount of energy into this wonderful day!

The library has just got in a whole whack of really awesome knitting and spinning books, which I have eagerly been reading this week. I am particularly enthralled with the “Fleece and Fiber Sourcebook”, which describes in depth over 200 different animals which produce fiber! Pretty pictures. My only regret is that this isn’t a touch and feel book, like “Pat the Bunny”! Alas.

Michelle and I did an exhausting yoga practice today, although it was well worth the fatigue to be able to relax so fully afterwards. My whole body feels like it was untied from a bunch of stressed knots. Lovely. Michelle works me hard, but that is because she has such faith in me…knowing that I will try my best, while listening to my body. I cannot thank my amazing teachers enough for their belief in me, in my healing. Such positivity is infectious, and is multiplied exponentially in the heart. <3

I have been feeling so low lately. Weak inside, starving, but eating just fine now. It is frustrating, because in I feel as though my body is crying out for nutrients, although my blood work looks the best it has in years.

Wednesday is choir practice with the Linden singers, 2 hours which leaves me breathless, literally, and also because I am so enthralled with the whole experience. I recently learned that 2 other members  The repertoire is challenging and interesting, and our upcoming holiday concert, with the theme “Christmas American Style” should be great fun for everyone, regardless of religious belief or age. “From the spontaneity and infectiousness of the tunes of Irving Berlin to the grandeur of a contemporary American Magnificat.” There is definitely something for everyone, even if you are an atheist, like me. In case you are in town, and interested in hearing some sweet holiday music, the concert takes place on Saturday 3 December 2011 at 7:30 PM at First Metropolitan United Church at Quadra & Balmoral. Tickets are available through me or another Linden singer, of course, or at Ivy’s Bookstore, Munro’s Bookstore or Long and McQuade Music, and at the door. Just something to bear in mind :).

I was feeling really down today, and I’m not really sure why. Maybe it was the weather, but I was feeling very listless and couldn’t settle to anything all day. Distracted, but not thinking about anything else. Could be from lack of sleep…some days are just like that, I guess. I spun for a wee while before my shower and that really perked me up. I hadn’t spun in a little while, because my legs have been rather exhausted, and I’d prefer to practice yoga than spin when I have to choose. Hopefully tomorrow, with a good restful nights sleep, I’ll feel more like myself.

Uncategorized | 0 comment

Just a phase

I have been on the IV antibiotic meds for about 3 weeks, and was actually feeling relatively fine. No drop in my energy level, unexplained symptoms, or increase in symptoms, until Wednesday. Poop! Fun’s over. Now we are getting back to the real work: herxing.

Herxing is basically a few hours to a few days/weeks of pure hell, where your symptoms increase exponentially, and all the horrid crazy symptoms that are usually kept in check come out to wreak havoc on daily life. I was feeling rather faint and tired during the day on Wednesday, and a little less than peppy when Michelle came for our yoga practice. I could feel myself being sucked down by an invisible force, which I know to be borrelia (Lyme bugs) in my body acting out. They are attention seeker…and love to keep their hosts on their toes.

I am really enjoying singing with the Linden singers…the music is challenging and the people so lovely. There are two others spinners in the choir, and I am hoping that we can all get together and spin! One gal brought me some chiengora, or dog fur (the stuff that falls out when your dog is shedding!). It is super soft, like angora bunnies (hence the name), and much much warmer than wool, in fact, so warm that you have to mix it with other fibers. Wow. I am really excited to get working with that, but not sure when my next chance to hit the wheel will be.

After I got home from practice on Wednesday night, I started feeling that something was very wrong. Trembling inside. Cold and hot at the same time. And in a lot of pain. It was just the start of a bad herx. I felt like I might have an infection, something not Lyme-related, because of the chills and fevery feeling, but nope, just good ol’ Lyme in action :P.

I am having this weird things going on with food. I am so hungry all the time, but whenever I try to eat, I just can’t. Like literally can’t put food in my mouth without feeling anxious and awful. I feel like bursting into tears every time someone mentions eating. I am not really sure how to explain the feeling, because I haven’t really experienced this before and it is confusing. I think it is aggravated by the fact that I am super nauseous, and sporadic feel like I am going to be sick, but thankfully am not. Basically I have eaten a lot of potatoes over the past few days, which is usually my least favorite vegetables. For some reason mash potatoes with olive oil went down better than anything else. It’s just a phase, hopefully.

angela, cold, curry, falling, knitting, lunch, pills | 0 comment

Fall Lunch

Can you believe that midterm exams are almost in full swing? Not like I’m in school or anything, but when I tried to plan a weekend luncheon with some friendlies, it turns out that people are scrambling to study already. Hasn’t even been a full month of school. Wow. Having said that, and snickered a bit that friends are hitting the books, I would love to be baking study-group cupcakes, and complaining how much my textbooks weighed.

Angela and I went out to lunch at “The Reef”, a Caribbean restaurant with rocking food. Curry veggies and jerk tofu wrapped up in roti for me, and quesadillas for Angie. Fantastic! Nice to get caught up on everything in each others lives, and see the latest knitting projects!

I has been so bitterly cold these last fews days. 13 C doesn’t sound too chilly, but on the West Coast that means take that number and subtract a whole lot for windchill and damp cold. I was in full winter regalia. And still found it within my stubbornly sun-loving heart to complain of the cold. Nothing new there. I feel like if I could just be walking around, I wouldn’t notice the cold so much, or I could stomp my feet to get warm. I really want to get walking. I have been sick for so long…so lame!

The yoga does warm me up nicely. It feels really good to stretch. I am getting better, and the gals even introduced a few new moves this week, which is exciting! My hips are very weak…where there should have been muscle and fat at my side is now a hollow place. Lack of strength in my hips does make it hard to walk, or balance, so hopefully by strengthening there I can get walking that much easier and faster!

I only have to take this one kind of pill for 3 days, and then I take a break for 30 days. The catch it that I take 8 doses of this mediation per day. 8 little yellow pills that taste of chemically death. While I’m on these, I feel particularly awful and exhausted, something I didn’t realize was possible. I thought it couldn’t get much more terrible than doing IV meds twice daily, but for some reason these oral meds just push me way over the edge. Talk about frustrating! They also make me super nauseous, although for some reason today’s curry lunch hit the spot. Ironically, whenever I am feeling super terrible, I crave curry, and usually feel better afterwards. Wouldn’t it be sweet if I was craving the ayurvedic healing powers of turmeric and curry powder, coriander and ginger? Interesting thought, no?

efforts, fiber art, meds, reflections, side effects, yarn, yoga | 1 Comment

Start the Ball Rolling

this ball won’t run away from me!

After what felt like weeks of spinning (really about 2.5 weeks in all in all), I finished the incredible batt of mohair/wool fiber that dear Arleigh sent me, dyed by a friend of hers, Leola! What is more, I set it warm water (to make sure it wouldn’t twist back on itself!), stretched it for awhile (as it was super dee duper curly!) and today finally put yarn loops on the back of a chair and then proceeded to put the yarn into a ball. Wow that was a lot of work! Sheer the animal, wash the fiber, pick and card the individual fibers, dye the fibers, spin the fiber, set the fibers, and ball. I only had to do 3 of those things. Imagine if you followed the process start to finish. How rewarding! I am very pleased with how it turned off…for singles (meaning only one strand, versus many strands making up a thicker yarn) it is very evenly spun (meaning that it is almost all the same thickness!). I have no idea what it’s going to look like knit up, so I just can’t to figure out what I can make with it and cast off!

top view

Unlike a lot of mohair yarns, this one is very soft and dreamy, which has mostly to do with the animal and perhaps from where on the body it was harvested. It is mixed with sheep wool too, which would help add softness. The yarn has a wonderful sheen to it, and it almost sparkles in the light. Spinning handspun yarn is supposed to be one of the most enjoyable experience out there for a knitter. I can’t wait to report back all the wonderful bonuses of knitting with your own yarn. All that treadling and sweating paid off enormously, and I feel very proud of myself. I feel that in the coming weeks/months I might have to ease back on the amount of spinning I’m doing per week, because the IV meds exhaust me.

I am already noticing icky affects from the medication. The most annoying being that I am very tired and lethargic, and that my mouth tastes of rubber bands and deceased mice all the time. Because IV meds enter through the bloodstream, and because my dosage is so high, I can taste the medicine through the tiny spider webbed blood vessels in my tongue and nasal passage. It would be much more fascinating if it wasn’t my own mouth. These vessels are very close to the surface in this area…maybe that’s why it can be tasted? I wonder if anyone else has noticed this while taking Clindamycin? I did a bit of research about it and a lot of people mentioned a bitter taste. This seems a bit non-specific to me, because for me it so very clearly tastes like rubber bands…as though I have been chewing on them in place of gum. My naturopath said that people who can taste the saline and heparin flushes (done before and after IV) have trouble detoxing. I found this an interesting principle and wonder if it also applies to the medicine, or maybe it’s just caused from a side effect.

Yesterday when I had yoga class with Barbara, I had to take lots of breaks because I was so exhausted. Bringing my arms and legs up made me feel so weak and faint, something I haven’t been complaining about in previous weeks. I was so exhausted after the practice, rather than feeling energized. This is disappointing and frustrating, but hopefully as my body becomes more adjusted to the rhythms of the medication this will improve? It will be interesting to see what happens when I am off the IV meds for 3 days (we ‘pulse’ 2 weeks on, 3 days off).

Protest, sewing, skirt | 0 comment

The Far Reach of Dear Big Brother & the Octopus

Another day with a mix of sun and clouds. As long as there ratio of blue sky to clouds leaves room for the sun to poke through, it’s a good day. We went to a Smart Meter rally at the legislative buildings. All homes in BC are going to have a Smart Meters installed, a program which started in July, and is projected to be finished by the end of 2012. It isn’t really an option, and there was no discussion with the public before this decision was made. Scientists are pointing in both directions about whether or not EMF’s (electromagnetic field) causes negative health problems. For me, this is an important question, but having the right to choose to have a Smart Meter at your house or not is equally important right now. I have the choice to smoke, or not to smoke, to eat healthy or unhealthy foods, to ride a motorcycle, or not to, and I used to have the choice to use wireless technology or not to. If you feel something is damaging to your health, or could be, like smoking, the foods we eat, or riding a motorcycle (I just picked 3 hot topics, but you could interchanged them with any risk-related choices), then you have the right to opt-out of these things. It’s a choice, and my family, and many others, would like to choose to not have a Smart Meter. It should be that simple, but it’s not.

We received some lovely letters from BC Hydro, ensuring us that there was no danger from Smart Meter technologies, and that even the Health Minister assured citizens that there was no risk. As if the Health Minister has never been wrong! Remember, there used to be no health risk in smoking, handling mercury and asbestos, or the cocaine in cough syrups, to name a few.

If the health affects don’t concern you, or you think the science isn’t all there, reasons of privacy might convince you that the Smart Meters aren’t such a sweet deal. The devices transmit information about the goings on in your house…it doesn’t take a genius to judge from your power consumption when you are home, or not home, what kind of appliances you are using, how often you get up in the night…that sort of thing. Power companies can remote shut off your power, or turn off specific appliances. By closely monitoring our power consumption, power companies can decide what times to charge more for power (when people are using it the most). And the only thing standing between your personal data, and hackers, is encrypted user data. Ann Cavoukian, The Privacy Commissioner of Ontario assured residents that, “The best response is to ensure that privacy is proactively embedded into the design of the Smart Grid, from end to end.” Thank goodness BC Hydro’s “privacy principle will remain the same“. We’re being well looked after. Big Brother is making sure that we are safe, we’ll pay less, we’ll save energy, and they’ll fix outages sooner. It sounds almost too good to be true!! Oh wait…it is. 

recycled side panel
waste-not waistband

On a lighter note, I also got to work on my Octopus Tee-shirt Skirt this afternoon! I am nearly finished, and am really pumped with how it turned out. I always felt the octopus tee shirt would make a super awesome skirt, because putting an octopus on any article of clothing obviously increases its’ awesomeness ten-fold. I love that I found a use for the legs of my old jeans (after turning them into shorts!). I saw the legs sitting in the cupboard and thought, “Oh my. How fetchingly that color goes with my octopus!”, and figured placing side panels would give me some much-needed stretch and only add to the stylish nature of this getup. The waistband was crafted from the bottom of a faded, stretchy black Jacob tee, which was much too small and closer to gray in color than black anymore. I got many years of loving out of that top, and now can use it to make a few more waistbands. As always, would love your feedback! I have only basted it together, so the final sewing will happen later! Can’t wait to rock my new look in the street of Victoria. And hopefully on my own two feet (as if I needed another incentive to walk, but skirts look awesome when their human is standing!).

It’s alliiiiiiivvvve!
carpe diem, changes, family, inner harbour, ocean, sewing, skirt, Solstice Cafe, sun, tired, trips out, vegan, write on camera | 0 comment

Reflections in a looking-glass pool

Underwater life animated on a historic building

I thought that the days of summer were truly over, but today the sky was an exhilarating riot of vivid blues, stormy grays and white. A mix of sun and clouds, with a touch of rain, and the occasional brilliant-eye-squinting ray of sunshine. Dad and I went down to the Inner Harbour, walking along one of the few paved paths in Victoria that is in a moderately tranquil location.

Regal Parliament, resting on borrowed lands

We walked along the smooth path, taking in the sights like any good tourist. It is noisy in the Inner Harbour, with the sea planes taking off towards the distant mountain, motor boats tootling around, people laughing and skateboarding, biking, dogs.

no school like zee old school

The one thing that you must listen hard to find, to separate it from the roars of city life, is the sound of the ocean, persistently lapping against the raised concrete path. I wonder what this place looked like before the shoreline was smoothed out and raised up. Were there beaches paved over, and did they use the smooth pebbles littering those ancient beaches to decorate the gray cement? A small piece of the bay is still intact, where you can see the remnants of crystal pools of green water, which carve holes in the rock-face. There are no big waves that rock into the Inner harbour any more. Not since the extension and creation of the breakwater, a few kilometers away. The water feels almost stagnant, until some boat or plane disturbs its’ surface. Just remember that this water is also full of raw sewage, one of Victoria’s very dirty secrets. Yes, that’s right, in the historic capital of this great province, our toilets flush right into the once pristine coastal waters. Pollutants don’t belong here. Not anywhere.

looking-glass pool
We strolled across the Blue Bridge, a first for me. I’ve never crossed from Esquimault to Victoria on foot or wheels. From there, Solstice Cafe, a haven of organic and homemade (many vegan!) delights, is just a few stoplights and a hill away. Steaming cups of rich cocoa, and a granola bar. Isn’t that the definition of culinary heaven? 
history unknown
I have always been fascinated by this building front on Pandora. Only the historic front remains, an eerie skeleton, a face with no body, a lid without a box. Ironically someone painted a few blue pacman on the front.  In the good old days of my freedom with strong legs and a healthy sense of adventure and liberty (always willingly accepting serendipitous situations as they arrive), I used to think to myself that the bodiless building would make an incredible picture, or a sweet backdrop for a photo-shoot. Finally, camera in hand and blue sky to boot, I captured the haunting beauty of the place on film a plastic memory card. 
I was so exhausted when we came home, although I am trying not to show it. We started my IV antibiotics a few days ago, after almost half a year without them. The medicine is caustic, and burns my heart and veins as it enters my blood stream. I feel weighed down with sickness, as though my bones are suddenly filled with lead instead of 900 mg Clindamycin.
When in sickness or pain, try chanelling your frusteration into a creative outlet. 
Don’t speak the anger in your mind and body, but instead try to look at the flipside, turn everything terrible into something good. 
An example? Today I am really suffering, and I feel like crying with the pain of the medicine going into my heart and neck. 
But someday, when I’m a doctor, and I decide to put a patient on a drug with a biting, bitter, derisive and acerbic personality, I will be able to understand their suffering. 
I am being given the power to heal, through the knowledge of suffering I am receiving. 
A further plus side is my extension tubing is 14 inches long, leaving me plenty of room to knit!
Once you start moving in a postive frame of mind, everything become lighter and warmer in my mind. I hope it can do the same for you.
I channeled my pain in sewing this afternoon. I have many incredible animal-print tees from the Sierra Club, that Dad used to bring home for me, some of which I have had since kindergarten. The sky blue and navy octopus shirt, which is too small for me and a bit faded, has just been recycled into a trendy skirt. Cut off the sleeves and neck, added a bit of denim on the sides from a pair of pants I cut off into shorts, and created a waist band from a faded black stretch shirt. I will post pictures when I have it fitted and on ma body! Should be pretty sweet once it’s done…and all recycled…how cool is that? 
<3
doctors, fiber art, shopping, sick, spinning | 0 comment

Up to Batt!

My family doctor (who deals with my non-Lyme illnesses, if I ever get such a thing) suggested that because I have never had a psychological evaluation, and have been sick for so long with many neurological symptoms, that I should see a psychologist. He was very clear that he didn’t think I was crazy, just because I had Lyme disease, but anyone, especially a young person, who suffers a chronic illness probably suffers because there life has been changed so much. So bright and early this morning we went to see a psychologist downtown. The verdict: I’m officially not crazy. Yay! I suppose that just means I have a whole whack of serious neurological problems, which is not so much fun.

We went window shopping around the lower Johnson St. area, where a large portion of eco-friendly and locally owned businesses. It’s kind of uncomfortable doing yoga in lingerie with under-wire and lace (it’s fun to be girly!), so I was looking for an alternative to that. And just browsing.

After resting for awhile in the early afternoon, we headed on down to Knotty By Nature, the incredible fiber arts store in Victoria. I was looking to create a little hand-spun accessory for my lovely yoga teachers (can’t say what in case they read this!). The amazing and talented artists who own and work at KBN helped me pick about 5.5 oz of fibers that would blend well together: local wool, alpaca, and mohair, hemp, and bamboo fibers. KBN has drum carders people can use to blend the different fibers together into a batt, something easy to spin with. There are also wheel for customer use, and looms to rent or use there. It’s a pretty incredible place. This was my first art batt, and I’m really excited to start working with it. Dreamy softness, warmth, incredible caramel-y brown colors. Mum helped me turn the handle of the drum carder machine in order to blend the different textures together in order to have a more uniform yarn. I am exhausted from all this work and moving and thinking, so I am looking forward to just resting tonight.

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